Get your own channel!
by niyah606
Summary: Lance McClain is known in the YouTube community and is a large requested person. Though he doesn't have his own Fucking channel. "Oh my gosh! your Lance McClain!" "yes I am." "I loved you in Pidge's Gaming video! you two are sooo cute!" "aww thanks!" "I subscribed to Hunks Food Hacks because you two on screen is life!" "his food is preetty good!" "same! with Allura!"
1. *Not CLICKBAIT!* LANCE DIES ON CAMERA!

"You know, sometimes when I lay in bed wide awake my mind drills off and I go 'Holy shit, a fire truck is essentially a water truck.' Like I'm shook as hell. Then Romelle turns to me and is like 'babe. I have a job get your shit together." The woman who was talking scoffed brushing her hair white dyed hair off her shoulder. "Like darling, Can you at least pretend to sympathise while I Try to understand what the hell my life means!?" The beautiful dark skinned female gestured glaring at the camera her azure eyes blazing.

Loud guffaws could be heard on her left and she completely ignored her dying co-host thinking she really needed new friends. The male was on the floor the female pointedly ignoring him.

"I honestly to God hope you choke."

The male laughed harder. The female rolled her eyes deciding she was going to do her intro. She gave the camera a large smile. "Hello my beautiful subjects it is your favorite space princess allura here with another makeup tutorial featuring the now dead lance. May he burn in hell."

"Well that got exceedingly dark dear niece." Coran chuckled from behind the camera.

"He deserves it after the unnecessary laughs. Plus they weren't even cute! They were gross with snorts and I'm sure there's spit on my leg."

"If there's spit on your leg its cause your ashy as fuck and in desperate need of lotion." Lance piped up from the floor smirking at the girl.

Allura turned from the camera and slowly looked down at him a sickenly smile plastered on her face. "Lance?"

"Yeah chameleon?" the male teased

"Run." Allura glared.

Lance took no time hopping up from his now warm floor spot and dashing away terrified of the girl who was now chasing him. Coran not far behind.

"OH SHIT!" Lance screeched his heart pumped in adrenaline and anticipation. He vaulted over desks chairs and couches. "Why the fuck is this mansion so huge!?" he turned to see if Allura was following him.

"Lance my boy! You-" Coran tried to save lance but he ran into the wall with a loud thud before falling to the ground with a smack.

Allura stopped chasing the boy in order to laugh obnoxiously at his pain.

"Allura. Is lance still alive?" Coran asked camera in hand

Allura walked over still giggling and poked his shoulder with her toes. "Come now lance enough of the drama queen act. That's my job."

"Arg her raptor claws! They hurt! I'm bleeding!" Lance screeched rolling around.

Allura looked at the camera in true office like fashion.

"Allura no." Coran

A wicked smile appeared on her face "Allura yes."

"I'm not bailing you out of jail again."

"Oh! C'mon uncle surely you're still not pissed about that?" Allura asked crossing her arms ignoring lances 'shrieks' of 'pain'.

"Yes I am, now lance please get off the floor so you two can get this video out."

"But that asshole deserved It!"

Coran rolled his eyes playfully while lance stood up using the wall as his crutch. "Alright! I'm alive!"

"Oh yay." Allura monotonously cheered.

"I know I'm amazing." Lance smirked pulling his fingerguns though the effect wasn't what it usually was because the males forehead was red and inflamed much like his now red nose.

"Yeah okay Rudolph."

Lance gasped rubbing his face with his hands and walked. "My face! My beautiful face!"

"Oh now stop it it'll go down in a few hours." Allura rolled her eyes.

"I'll get you an ice pack!" Coran piped up running away with the camera but he slipped on a stray sheet of paper causing his legs to fly and his butt to hit the ground not too long after.

Allura and lance bursted into loud guffaws of laughter. "Uncle! I-" Allura giggled some more "we'll video another day. We can just post this! It's pretty amazing."

"Yeah sure tell me after the fact that I broke my quiznacking tailbone."

Lance fell to the floor in laughter "oh my God!" He kept laughing "re-remember wh-en we were at the skating rink an-and he wore that Pfft. . . outfit?"

"Oh dear lord yes!" Allura laughed again remembering how confident he was embarrassing the small group of teens except lance who thought it was amazing. To this day once a month on a random friday the two males dress up in the most ridiculous and elaborate costumes and go skating.

The camera turned to them as they were Posing. "He was all like" lance laid down on the floor in the classic 'paint-me-like-one-of-your-french-girls' pose. "I am here now your eyes have been blessed."

Allura snorted then placed a hand on her hip tilt her head to the sky and placed the heel of her hand on her forehead. "You cannot attempt to mimic such beauty."

Lance giggled getting onto his knees and threw his hands and head back. "You cannot contain the gay!"

Allura smirked stepping back, leaving her hand on her hip and curving the other one. "I am!"

Lance then stood up and they were both back to back pretending to twirl a mustache and they curved their arms up creating a heart. "Coran Coran! The gorgeous man!"

They both laughed the faces falling into ones of laughter. "Hey Allura please tell me I'm not the one who imagined explosions in the background."

"More like fireworks but that's just the same." She chuckled. She then placed her arm on lances shoulder and smiled. "Well my stomach hurts and 'm satisfied making this video and making fun of lance and Coran."

"Hey!" Both males protested

"Aww come now! You're both adorable!"

Lance rolled his eyes while Coran took the compliment. "Oh!" Lance eyes sparkles "if you wanna know how Allura went to jail or how That night at the rink went just let Allura know I'm pretty sure she'll either do a poll or something like in the comments section." Lance smiled

"I swear you're taking over my channel."

Lance smirked "that's what pidgeon and hunky says. It's not my fault viewers love me!"

"No. But if you'd put up you're own channel my inbox wouldn't be filling up with requests with you in them."

"Really?" He asked eyes sparkling

"Yep! The viewers love you my boy!"

"Aww! Staaahhp imma blush" he smiled

Allura kisses his cheek and turned to the camera "anyways. If you liked this video please make sure to comment, like, and subscribe to my princessdom."

"Oh! And no hate! That's like so rude." lance piped up

"Until next time have a wonderful quiznaking quintant. Keep your head in the stars, Fly beyond the moon, and make your own planet. We are never alone in the universe. This is Allura!"

"And lance!"

"And Coran as always"

"Signing off!"

Coran turned off the camera and smiled. "That was amazing as usual you two!"

"We try!" They both smiled

Lance felt a buzz in his front pocket.

 **Husbando** \- lance i made pizza and garlic knots! Pidge wants a movie night.

 **Lanceypoo** \- Yup! Inviting allura and coran! We finishes the video early

 **Husbando** \- How?

Lanceypoo- easy. We didn't.

 **Husbando** \- can't wait to see it later!

 **Husbando** \- Pudge says to hurry up.

 **Husbando** \- OML! I MEANT PIDGE! SHIT! SHES ONTO ME! ABORT ABORT!

Lance thought he couldn't laugh anymore but boy was mistaken. "As of now pidge is now pudge nothing can stop this"

"Autocorrect?" Allura asked

"More than likely!"

"Hell yes."

"See princess this is why we like you" lance laughed flicking through his phone turning Pidge into Pudge in his contact.

"Funny my phone turns number three's name into purge."

Lance snickered.

"Mine turns uncles into clean." Allura snorted.

"Oh! Hunk made pizza. We should go before pudge gets it" lance snickered.

"On words and forwards!" Coran called out running towards the door. Lance immediately ran after him Allura not far behind.

"Don't break anything!"

There was a crash.

"Oops!" Coran called out.

Allura cursed under her breath. "Damn it uncle!"


	2. ItWasForSience

"Hey fatso!"

'Keep walking'

"Hey fatty"

'Ignore them'

"Doughboy im talking to you"

'Mom would be proud'

A hand landed on the boys shoulder effectively stopping him from moving further. The young dark skinned fourteen year old might've been big but he wasn't the most confrontational. So when he turned around to meet the fierce eyes of one Todd jenkins he stepped back retreating within himself. The boy was surrounded by Todd's friends effectively isolating the male.

'This is where I die. Holy shit I will die! I'm not ready yet! I haven't made any friends or took someone to prom or made the perfect pie crust or built my own computer!'

Tears burned the boys eyes as he watched his harassers laugh at him again saying something about his weight, test scores, or severe motion sickness.

"Oye!" A Loud voice sounded from the back

Todd huff and rolled his eyes. He looked back at the voice and glared.

"McClain" the boy hissed.

"OYE! Chikos!" The voice was yelling at this point and from the boys view he was looking at a very skinny boy with short straight brown hair and his glasses skewed from his sheer anger.

He was averaged height probably five eight and like one hundred pounds wet. What truck him most was that he KNEW the guy. This was lance! Lance McClain from AP bio and Lang. The boy despite being in both classes was somehow struggling with both. Though he seemed smart always answering the questions with a clear concise answer but never pulled on tests, so he must've had some form of testing anxiety which the boy felt for.

Though he couldn't think further because he was pushed into the lockers and hit his head against said metal.

"Tú PUTA!" Lance glared and rushed to the boys aide.

"You could've really damaged him! A que tú problemos!?"

"Your in america speak English dumbass."

Lance scoffed and helped the boy up "Yo hablo ingles, no cambia nada. Tú eres tonto puta" lance held up his middle finger and helped the boy walk to the nurses office.

In the office the boy fiddled awkwardly with the instant ice pack in his hands slowly feeling his fingers freeze.

"Um. . . thank you" the boy managed out over his awkwardness he looked at lance under his lashes his breath taken away when the boy smiled.

"No problemo!" Lance cheered "toad is an asshole. And like super racist and shit. Someone needed to put him in his place."

"Yeah but like. That was really nice of you" the boy smiled.

Lances face looked in color and hugged the larger boy. "Okay one dude your smile is like that baby of sunshine and fucking happiness you must be protected."

Hunk blinked cause first. What? That was a lot of English and two, that sounds like something his mother would say. The boy must've said these things out loud because next thing he knew lance was smirking.

"Oh? The spanish? I only speak that at home and to piss people off. They don't know I'm talking shit. Plus you should see me cursing in gaelic, its pretty damn brutal" Lance chuckled.

"Woah! Three languages?"

"Nah more like two and one sixteenth"

"How do you deal?"

"I don't. I have a bad tendency to randomly speak Spanish if I'm not actively thinking in English its pretty crazy."

"Wow!"

"and that's how I met lance" hunk smiled widely

"Your knight in shining armor." Lance smirked

Pidge piped up from the kitchen "yah know, everyone lance met he's saved first."

Hunk blinked before gasping and sending an accusatory stare. "Oh my GOD they're right! How the hell did I not notice this!?"

"Whaddya mean?" Lance frowned not really understanding what his two best friends meant.

"We're saying that You've saved all of us at one point. When we first met you."

"wait. . . OH MY GOSH YOUR RIGHT!" lance gasped.

"Boy do you have a serious hero complex." Pigde smirked

Lance groaned hiding his face in his hands. "Huuuuunk please tell me you'll edit this out."

Hunk smiled placing a hand on his best friends arm in a comforting manner. The boy paused for a moment waiting for lance to looking at him before answering "No."

Pidge paused before they choked on air and started wheezing and laughing. "Fucking hunk" they laughed falling off of their chair. "Oh" they then fell out in dying laughter.

"Hunk!" Lance shrieked abashed

"You ate all the doggone cookies Last night. You are not out of hot water bro." Hunk stated crossing his arms.

Lance looked like the whole world was ending "bro."

Hunk sighed looking like a admonished puppy "bro."

"Bro" lance whispered

"Bro" hunk nodded

"Broooo" lance gave hunk puppy dog eyes.

"Bro." Hunk then hugged lance

Pidge watched the whole broversation with a confused frown never understanding how the hell they had a whole conversation only using the word bro. But being the little gremlin they were they decided to destroy the bromantic moment. They sent a mischievous smirk to the camera.

They walked behind their hugging friends and said in the loudest and deepest voice they could manage. "NOT ON MY CHRISTIAN SERVER!"

Both boys gasped flying from one another hunk looking like he'd almost had a heart attack and lance looked the definition of shook.

"Pidge!" lance glared

"That's for call me pudge and not allowing that name to die"

"I said I was sorry" hunk pouted

"You did but we all know I'm a petty ass bitch."

"I made you peanut butter cookies."

"Lance ate them" Pudge fixed their glasses

"I plead the fifth"

Piece rolled their eyes and scoffed "I'm not letting this go. But hunk needs to answer some more questions."

Hunk stood up and sighed "don't you have your own channel."

"Yes but Collabs are more fun."

"True"

"Alright next question." lance cut in grabbing the paper "What's the stupidest thing you've done so far?"

Pidges eyes widened "oh! Can I answer this!?"

"Well we all can answer this." Hunk smiled

"Fuck yes!"

"Christian sever lance. I would like to get paid." Hunk sighed

"Lo siento"

"Its okay bro"

"Bro"

"Nope! Not doing that again."

"Alright fine, but like I want to point out that this 'christian server' is being occupied by an Asxual lesbian, a Bisexual disaster, and a Sunshine Pansexual." lance stated

"I mean none of us are straight. Like neither is Allura or Coran which is fucki-freaking amazing" pidge smiled

"Like we could think Coran Coran the gorgeous man was any semblance of straight." Hunk laughed. "Alright stupid thing. Go!"

" So it was raining outside."

"Storming" lance cut in

Pidge sent him a glare but kept going " and I had already missed my first class for the day. I wasn't about to go to my other class cause my I was feeling lazy as shit so I stayed home and convinced these two fuckers to stay with me."

Hunk and lance shrugged it wasn't the worst they were called.

"So we we're bored. Netflix didn't have what we wanted. Hulu wasn't any better. We could write any vine off of youtube and we didn't feel like watching a movie. But we did anyways."

"Oh! Your telling this story?" hunk yelled

"It was the stupidest thing I ever done."

"True."

"Cant argue with that." Lance nodded

"Thank you now STOP INTURRUPTING!" Goodness." pidge rolled their eyes annoyed at their friends "anyways we watched a movie called scooby-doo two monster incorperated. Now between nostalgia and lances gay crush on Freddie, my gay crush on Velma and hunks love of Scooby we were happy. Then there was a scene where shaggy and scooby were being chased and some fire breathing ghost was after them and so scooby farted and like the gas exploded infront of the ghost. I was like 'can that work?' we didn't know but flash forward and we were watching the beer movie and Ken is trying to kill barry with a homemade flame thrower." pidge sighed rubbing their eyes.

"Suffice to say, we became best friends with the hospital staff after my hair burnt off and hunk burned down his favorite tapestry."

"In hind sight we really need to stop doing stupid shit with the 'For sience motto. We've been to the hospital too many times." Hunk frowned

All three of them nodded

Lance looked over at hunk "you or me?"

"Me!" hunk smiled "the stupidest thing I've ever done? Oh! When I tried to swallow a banana whole and choked." hunk blushed "Pidge, matt and lance dared me. It took an unexpected turn and now I still gag at the taste of bananas."

Pidge shook her head "we all thought is was a good idea. But like as soon as it went down hunks throat we all knew we fucked up."

Lance chuckled "It was fucking crazy. Hunk was on the floor dying I was crying praying in spanish and matt looked like he saw a ghost. But like then matt like catches a second wind and falcon punches the shit out of Hunk. He coughed out the banana and we took him to the hospital to treat his bruised throat."

"Again. That phrase for science gets us into some shit." Lance nodded then looked at his best friends. "You two. Its that story."

"Oh shit." Hunk murmured

"Oh fuck."

"Yeah"

"You swore and oath." hunk said

"There has to be another way! Think of the comments!" Pidge cried

"Think of the demonetization!" Hunk wailed

"I'm doing it for the views." Lance said solemnly. "So we we're just chilling being us. Hunk was cooking so me and piece were playing on our oldschool wii. I look at it and I asked out loud. "This is about the same size as the dildo I sometimes use I wonder" lance trailed off

"So naturally I'm like. 'You have to do it for science'" pidge smirks.

"I'm not better because I'm curious too. But I'm like put a condom on it first lance." hunk sighed

lance blushed "moral of the story is don't shove a wii remote up your ass cause unlike a penis or penial shaped ietms it isnt round. It got stuck ant that was the most humiliating hospital visit ever."

Pidge bursted into laughter "the fuking receptionist was like 'YOU THREE! Keep your asses out of the fucking emergency room!'"

Hunk giggled "the doctor was like alright whos the dumbass this time."

Lance smirked "remember when we became alluras hoes for the day"

Hunk chuckled "I looked better in female clothing then I remembered from prom."

Pidge laughed "rember when hunks phone went off in the middle of one of our tests in highschool?"

Lance giggled "Oh dios! It was anaconda by nikki! And it was the part where she was laughing maniacally talking about her ass."

Pidge laughed along with him "and everyone was so fucking confused as to whose phone it was!" They wheezed

"When h-hunk went to turn it off people were so fucking shook!" Lance cakcled

Hunk scoffed "its not my fault I like nikki."

"Or that you like to twerk."

"Its Krunking!"

"No. If it was krunking your hands would move waayyy more no hunky what moves is that ass."

"Honestly I'll take hunks booty over a silicone one any day" pidge smiled

Hunk smiled as well "aww pidgey thank you!!"

Pidge shrugged their face a light pink. "Next question if you could date anyone who would it be?"

"Shit. Its between The four Chrisses, Taka shi shirogane and Serena william or her sister venus." lance frowned

Hunk shugged "I guess anyone who likes me for me and loves food"

"Gordon ramsey?" pidge asked

"Fucking yes." lance smirked

Hunk looked away while he blushed " Noo?"

"Nia long because she's really pretty." Pidge answered.

"Awesome! Favorite color?"

"Red" lance shrugged "though i look hotter in blue"

"Yellow but its more like a burnt sienna" hunk nodded

"then mine is crimson though I look amazing in phatol blue." Lance corrected

"Green. But its only cause my mom is a plant nerd."

Hunk and lance giggled "math"

Pidge snickered. "Favorite food"

"Garlic knots. I would literally sell my brother just for one."

Pidge frowned "you have two bros."

Lance smirked "I know."

Hunk took this as his cue "Ramen. Not like that fake crap from the store. I mean the good kind. With meat, eggs, and veggies."

Pidge smirked "pizza."

Both males nodded at the legitness.

"Alright guys its time to stop the video! For more questions just head to our twitters the links for lances Instagram and pidges channel will be in the discrimination box below! Help us pay for our hospital bills with your likes! Please subscribe to this channel if you want to see more content like this. Please comment what gross food you want me to try on react wensdays. This wensday were trying oil of oregano. Then Thursday we'll have an all new recipe for you guys to try on budget thursday.!"

"Ooh! I'm excited lance smiled"

Piste shrugged "Its hunk. He'd probably die before making something gross."

"Oh! Send us the stupidest thing youve done with the hashtag #LetsDoItForSience"

"I need this trend!" Pidge told the camera

"This would water my crops, clear my skin and feed my goats."

"Feed lances goats!"

Hunk ignored them in favor of doing his outro " This is Hunk-a-dunk signing off! Remeber do one good thing for someone this week because the earth shines brighter when we smile! Your greatest enemy is your self and you're beautiful no matter what anyone says."

Hunk waved and stood up to turn the camera off.

"Hunk your outro is so sweet. I swear your just made out of asucar"

"Nah. Its more like honey."

Lance nodded "I can see that."

"Hey its raining. Wanna go run around in our bathing suits?" Pidge asked.

Lance stood up and ran out "I'll get dressed!"

Hunk smiled "I'll get the GoPro!"

Pidge smirked "this will be fun"

The next day you could hear a doctor severely scolding his patients.

"You three! Why is it always you three?"

"We can't help ourselves."

"Its a real problem"

"We might need family therapy."

The nurse giggled

"Well. You all have Ecoli."

"Shit."

"Fuck"

"Coño"

"Yeah. So I hope whatever the hell you did was with it."

"No regrets"

"I regret it all"

"It was for science."

"what did you manage to do?" The nurse asked curious. She was pretty new to the staff so she wasn't used to the three troublemakers.

"Worm eating contest."

The doctor looked nauseous and the nurse decided to walk out to cool her head.

"Fuking youtubers." The doctor grumbled

"Technically I'm not a youtuber. . ."

"Allura will be pissed."

"Yup."

"So will my moms"

"Same" two out of the three chorused.


	3. TakeAShit with knife and Adamn

Beep. Beep. Beep. . .Beep. Beep. Beep

The man woke up with a start flitting the warm comforter off of his naked torso and ran out of his shared room hitting his knee against the dresser. There in the hallway he saw the blurry figure of what could only be his brother-in-law, dark hair tousled from what could only be described as good sleep only wearing his boxers briefs and a t-shirt wiping remnants of drool off his face. The man looked up in alarm a cloud of white smoke trailing ominously out of the kitchen where he could here frantic curses wondering how the hell he didn't hear his husband having a meltdown in the kitchen earlier.

"Damnit Takashi" the man said rubbing his eyes and running into the kitchen with his little brother in law hot on his trail. When the man stepped into the kitchen he frowned looking around was what could only be explained as black spot all over the place he turned to look and saw a pan on fire in the sink as well as two of the burners on the stove. While his disaster of a husband was standing in the middle of it all.

"Heeeeyyyyy sweetheart fancy meeting you here." Takashi said sheepishly rubbing his neck.

The man closed his eyes and remembered why he was married to the man in front of him. He took a deep breath and exhaled coughing some smoke from his lungs, this was just great now on top of the headache already brewing he has to suffer from smokers lung

"Takashi"

"Wait! Before you start hear me out. So I was going to make you some cereal. But then I knew you had a bad day yesterday and that you two were tired from moving so I wanted to do something nice for you and Keith. So I attempted bacon eggs and toast. But then the toast popped out to early started me made me bump into the bacon and the grease got on the burners and next thing I know there's a fire and I'm trying to fan the flames away but it grew and then the eggs started burning and the smoke detector was going and so I panic and start to drown the fire but that made it worse cause grease was popping everywhere the other burner caught aflame and so did the eggs. Its just a shit show."

I'm the middle of Takashi's story the smoke detector turned off and the air became a little clearer as cool winter air blew in and the ceiling fan turned on.

"Thanks Keith" Takashi smiled at the boy

"Yeah whatever." The keith said rubbing his eyes "imma go get dressed. We were supposed to get a vlog recorded today but. . . I dunno." he then walked away to his room.

The man sighed rubbing his forehead then rolled his eyes. "Takashi just buy us some new pots on amazon and douse the fires with salt. My head is hurting from smoke inhalation and that smoke detector. "

"Aww Adam baby im sorry!" Takashi tried to apologize

"I know. But imma tweet this and then we're going out to eat"

Takashi smiled his adorable smile bringing out his dimples and causing his eyes to squint. "Awesome. My eyeliner will be amazing. I finally found the perfect shade of blue to go with my shirt."

Adam smiled at his husband. The man made it really hard to stay mad at him. "I love you my gay kitchen disaster" adam smiled walking up to takashi and giving him a kiss.

"And I love you too my bundle of sassy ass." Takashi smiled kissing his husbands forehead.

Adam smiled "aww. That's not what you were calling this sweet piece of ass last night."

Shirl chuckled "No I wasn't. Though it was cause I was too busy buried deep in it"

Adam almost choked on air "I'm finally corrupting you aren't I goody goody?"

Shirl rolled his eyes "oh please. If anything I tainted you."

"Yeah okay man who cries during 'marley and me'"

"Don't judge! Its cause of kieths dog"

"Oh yeah. We should get him from the vet. Pisses me off that he still uses pronouns for the animal."

"Don't get me st-"

"Could you two not canoodle so much?" Keith asked interrupting the two

"Could you not look like a two-thousand four emo reject?" Adam asked not even looking at the male.

"Ohh you think you're so funny. But I bet no ones ever told you you looked like a cross between a mole and pennywise." Keith smirked

"Yeah okay garageband."

"That was one time!"

"Yeah okay keith i've read your diary. I know you had a crush on Andy Biersack and Brendon Urie."

"Shut up they are both fucking beautiful and I have a thing for guys with personality." Keith crosses his arms over his chest.

Takashi sighed "can y'all go through the day without fighting?"

"But then where's the fun in that?" adam asked

"Yeah adam needs his ego deflated sometimes. I'm just happy to be the one to bring him down to earth."

Adam rolled his eyes "My ego is fine ghost broccoli"

"ITS FUCKING VALID ADAM" kieth shreiked.

Adam smirked snickered "aww. Is the little princess mad?"

"I can fucking deadlift you."

Adam scoffed "okay Ancient aliens"

"Fuck you that's high quality television Supernatural"

"Shut up jared padalecki is my dream Daddy and you can't say shit"

Keith scoffed "whatever I'm going to eat some cereal." he turned and headed to the kitchen

"Don't forget to use almond milk."

"Fuck you shirogane why didn't you but the cashew milk! It's the only thing that tastes good with my honey bunches."

"Because unless you're drowning in riches. Cashew milk is expensive." Takashi told him dad voice and all

Both men heard the kitchen door open. "What the hell you two! You know off brand don't taste right to me!"

"That's what you get for being lactose intolerant. Get on our level peasant me and takashi will survive natural selection. While your grunge emo genes won't last long."

"Adam. Your husband almost burned down this apartment with you in it because he wanted to make breakfast." Keith smirked grabbing a large square Tupperware bowl from the cabinet and placing it on the clean table. He then grabbed a clean cooking spoon and Walked over to the pantry and grabbed his box of cereal and assembled. Pouring the milk first then the cereal.

"He's only seven he's trying his best"

"Adam. Really?"

"Hell fucking yes."

"So like are we going to ignore the burning stove? Or. . ." Keith asked

"Mood."

"Same."

"I'm embarrassed to breathe the same air as you fuckers."

"Aww. We love you too Keith" takashi smiled

"You damn right I love you." Keith scoffed

Adam laughed pulling away from takashi to stop the fire.

"whats on the agenda?"

"Well I'm planning on going to the gym." takashi explained sitting at the table

"I'm doing a house tour." Kieth shrugged

"I guess I'm dragging Keith along for groceries."

"Uh. . .Keith wants to stay home." Said male stated

"If Keith wants his fucking cashew milk then he's running fucking errands with me."

"I'm running fucking errands with adam"

"Oh! Matt's coming over! He said that he has a youtuber sibling who lives with some roommates in the building apparently they go to the school adam is going to be teaching at."

"Oh joy." Keith rolled his eyes.

"Maybe we could set up a playdate."

"What!? What am I three? Plus I have friends." Keith scoffed.

"No Keith you know a group of lesbian assassins." adam piped up

"They weren't assassins. They were just with the wrong crowd."

"Wait. Did you say youtubers?" Adam asked

"Yep. Matt gave me the link to the channel"

Keith stood up to go grab the laptop and placed it on the table. "What's the channels name?"

"Dont Assume My Pronouns."

Keith frowned at the long channel name but said nothing typing it in the search bar and clicking the latest video titled 'Kicked out of Walmat' posted a week ago.

An ad came on slightly annoying the three males but they let it slide pressing the skip ad button immediately.

 ** _A nose popped into the camera lens. "Math is it on?" a voice sounded_** ** _"Yep the whole world can see into your brain" a familiar voice said._** ** _"I bet it looks like a computer motherboard" a deep voice chuckled_** ** _"Sounds about right."_** ** _"I cannot believe you three are in the hospital again." a feminine voice scoffed sounding very british._** ** _By now the nose had turned into a chin and then a face._** ** _"Oh! Its recording." The person said short brown hair visible by the watchers. "so like. We know we had like a whole bunch of videos to get out but. . . were in the hospital. Don't freak out we had accidentally eaten something we shouldn't have and we got ECOLI"_** ** _"Turn the camera to me." One of the voices said._** ** _The camera whirled around to show a man with the same color as the previous person but longer hair. "Oh looks guys its a bitch." the person holding the camera smirked._** ** _"Who's in a hospital bed?"_** ** _"Mom loves me more"_** ** _Matt rolled his eyes "whatever pidge. Anyways the idiot trio decides not only to go galavanting off in the rain in only swim trunks and t-shirts but to dare each other stupid shit for science."_** ** _"Its our thing matt!" The person named pidge said. "by the way this fucker is my older weeb brother"_** ** _"You know pidge im not mad you're in the hospital. I'm pissed you didn't fucking invite me!"_** ** _Their was laughter in the background. "Mathematics holt! Don't encourage this type of behavior."_** ** _The camera Whirled around to show a dark-skinned woman with white hair on the lap of a light tanned woman with long blonde hair. The blonde smirked "oh Allura you're just upset you weren't invited either."_** ** _"Oooooooohhhhhh!!!!" The cocophany of voices sounded._** ** _"Exposed!" A deep male voice called out_** ** _"Are you gonna take that Allura!?" someone else yelled_** ** _The woman who must've been Allura rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Must young expose me like this Romelle?"_** ** _"Yup"_** ** _"So are we not telling the audience why were in the hospital for?" the deep voice asked again and the camera turned to face the male. He was big with a rich skintone and long dark hair. He had a pensive frown on his face but his eyes screamed a kind person._** ** _"Hell no. I'm still getting calls from my family asking why I shoved the wii remote up my ass. I refuse to go through being called un stupido or un idiota. Nope. Nu uh." The camera panned out to show the person talking. He was tanned skinned with bright blue eyes perfectly arches eyebrows and dark framed glasses on his face._** ** _Matt snickered "I still can't believe you told that story."_** ** _"I can't believe you guys were alluras hoes for a week."_** ** _"We lost a bet."_** ** _"What was the bet" the blonde asked_** ** _"Not to do stupid shit for a week." the large male answered._** ** _"To be fair. Hunk and lance challenged me to a shopping cart race. I had to defend my honor." pidge piped up_** ** _"Not to mention. The dude at the register was being a grade A ignoramus." the blue eyed boy scoffed_** ** _"Oohhh lance broke out the big words!"_** ** _"Ha ha hunk you're so hilarious."He said looking at the large male_** ** _"I am both hilarious and very adorable" hunk smiled._** ** _"Yes. This is true" Allura smiled._** ** _"Is hunk cuter than me?" Lance asked finger guns and a dazzling smile._** ** _"Yes." They all answered_** ** _"Fuck you guys. I'm remebering that next time you want me to make arroz con pollo or My mámás Ropa veija y arroz con gandules."_** ** _"Shit! No!"_** ** _"I think your adorable!"_** ** _"Lance you light a fire in my loins!"_** ** _"You're fucking smoking!"_** ** _"You make me want to hug you platonically"_** ** _Lance rolled his eyes at his friends antics then looked at matt. "Really? I light a fire in your loins?"_** ** _"What can I say boo. You spicy" matt winked_** ** _Lance smirked "ohh don't say that matty boy cause I might do you like my homework-"_** ** _"Procrastinate until the last minute then before for help?" Purge piped up_** ** _"Yes. Wait! No. Ugh." Lance rolled his eyes looking at Pudge irritating on his face he then smoothed out his frown lines gave matt the finger guns then smirked "I'll throw you on my desk and do you all night"_** ** _Their was a tense moment of silence before Romelle started laughing, then around the room everyone joined in._** ** _"Oh my lord. The twink" romelle started_** ** _"IM NOT A TWINK!" lance yelled "I am what is known as a power bottom."_** ** _"Oh sweetie. You aren't."_** ** _"Of course I am"_** ** _"Lance. Buddy you literally said that one criteria to your S/O is that you want them to be able to bench press you." hunk supplied_** ** _"Stop exposing me!"_** ** _"Its too easy lance." Allura smirked_** ** _Lance smirked. "Well. Fine. We ate wo-"_** ** _There was a loud boom and standing in the doorway was a pissed off doctor and three nurses._** ** _"Ohhh. . . heeeeey doc."_** ** _"You guys are making too much noise. I have to ask you to leave."_** ** _"What!?"_** ** _"Why?"_** ** _"That's so whack yo."_** ** _"I am ashamed to call you my brother."_** ** _"I've had five complaints in the past fifteen minutes."_** ** _"Damn."_** ** _"Oops."_** ** _"So you all need to leave and go to your own rooms."_** ** _"and stop recording that what had you eating worms in the first place."_** ** _The three patients looks sheepish as their friends looked at them with varying faces of disgust._** ** _The camera faced matt as he smirked._** ** _"Well that's all folks I'll see you later. Probably in another one of pigeons vids. Baaaai" the camera turned off._**

"I need to meet this chaotic bunch right now." Adam said

Takashi blinked. "I don't know what's worse. Going to the hospital for stupid shit or going to the hospital cause you kicked someones ass."

Keith couldn't help the laughs that randomly exploded from his mouth.

Both takashi and adam looked at him in mild shock.

"Are we witnessing the end of his emo phase?"

"No." Keith scoffed.

"So you admit to being emo!"

"No I admit to you shutting your face adam."

"That didn't make sense."

"I fucking know that!"

"Do you guys have to fight all the damn time?"

"No. But we must"

Takashi rolled his eyes. "Keith what do you think about them?"

"Hmm? I mean they seem cool and Matt knows them so they have to be stupid. Hell, they seem stupid"

"Cool I'll text matt"

 **TakeAShit- hey Matt.** **Math- hey bro!(•ᴗ•)** **TakeAShit- you in town?** **Math-no?? You know you kinda far. Ynkow being in texass and all.** **TakeAShit- Im not even going to comment on that writing and grammar but I could've sworn I mentioned I was moving closer to your neck of the woods.** **Math- huehuehue wood. Also um no??? i mean I don't think you did.(_;)** **TakeAShit- Matthew we talked about this a few nights ago.** **Math- well shit. I dont remember. I had accidentally ate one of my moms research weed. I was fucked up.** **TakeAShit- Lord you're just as bad as your siblings friends.** **Math- nah. I'm worse. Also how do you know how pigeons Friens?ಠ_ಠ** **TakeAShit- the video you sent me.** **Math-i don't remember shit. Oh well. I'm actually heading over now along wit som peeeps.** **TakeAShit- I'm embarrassed to know you.** **Math-ugh. Whatever. oh! One of my siblings friens loves you. Like alot.** **TakeAShit- Is it one of the women?** **Math- pfft. No. Those goddesses don't need you as an icon. They are eachothesr icons.** **TakeAShit.- damn matt.** **Math- eneeyways his name is lance so like don't be surprised if he passes out or something shit.(_)ﾉ** **TakeAShit-Noted.** **Math- Oh! Gotta go! Its about to be a car orgy!ლ(́౪‵ლ)** **TakeAShit- why are you like this.** **Math-lol jk. We're at McDonald's getting sustince. Gotta order a Big Mac. Extra side of sauciness.(͡ ͜ʖ ͡)** **TakeAShit- you're weirdness baffles me and I live with a damn cryptic hunter.** **Math- oh my lord! Keith smol ball of angst and teen hormones!? Wasn't he staying with his mom?** **TakeAShit- he came back.** **Math- like herpes （〜)〜** **TakeAShit- bye matt.** **Math- bye boo ( )**


	4. Hunks lap TM

Lance walked out of his room wearing his favorite cotton sleeping shorts and a large t-shirt he stole from hunk.

Pidge was already on top of the table curled in a fetal position. Hunk was making breakfast and his pandora was playing the low tunes of Jennifer Lopez as he was humming softly to "I Ain't your Mama'

Lance sat down at the table pidges socked feet in his face but honestly he really didn't care. He was tired, his mother was yelling most of the night in rapid spanish about the stupid decisions he's making and how hes smarter than this and he was just exhausted.

Hunk placed his food down with a small smile. "Hey. You okay?"

"Tired."

"Yeah you only got six hours last night."

Lance nodded looking down at his food and sighed a soft smile gracing his face. "Thank you hunk" in lances bowl was oatmeal with dried cranberries and toasted walnuts on top. On the side was two strips of turkey bacon.

"No problem lance" hunk looked down at his own oatmeal tipped with dried apricots, toast coconuts and almond shavings.

They started eating around pidge "so who's waking up pidge?" Lance asked

Hunk frowned last time he woke up pidge but him. He didn't feel like going through that again.

"Lance I'll pay you five dollars and do a tribute video on you or something. Just please don't make me wake up pidge"

Lance groaned and sighed "Make some garlic knots and were even"

"Done!"

Lance nodded and bite his lip. If he was to wake up the little shit he had to be tactical. One wrong move and lance could be dead on the floor. The male grabbed his phone from out of his waistband because apparently he wasn't good enough for pockets whatever. He unlocked his badass android and went to his music scrolling down the multitude of illegally downloaded music and smirked when he found the song he needed. He turned the volume all the way up pressed play and waited.

"Some-BODY ONCE TOLD ME!" The effect was instantaneous. Pidge stood up and was belting the lyrics singing on the table while the infectious joy of the song had them all dancing along.

"WELL!"

"THE YEARS START RUNNING. AND THEY DONT STOP RUNNING!"

"FLED TO THE RULES AND I HIT THE GROUND RUNNING!"

They couldn't stop belting out the lyrics at the top of their lungs and laughing. Sure the song was old but it was s genuine classic that had them always ready to sing at the drop of a hat.

When the song was over they sat down in a fit of exasperated laughter.

"Best fucking wake up ever." Pidge high-fived lance

"Thanks pidge-a-roni"

"No prob"

"Dancey lancey"

"Lancey-poo"

"Hunkalicious"

"Okay tone down your gay."

"Only this once"

"Because you were nice."

The two boys sat down while piece grabbed some frozen waffles from the freezer and threw them in the toaster taking out the peanut butter and honey.

Once the waffles were toasted pidge spreaded peanut butter on them then poured a generous amount of honey on top. They sat at the table with a smile on their face and dug in.

"So what's on our agenda?" lance inquired

"Matt's friends just moved in close to us. I texted him to invite them over to hang out. Matt also said he's bringing the girls and Coran over." Pidge replied

"Cool! I don't actually have to go in for work until tomorrow. So I'm excited!" Hunk smiled

"Hey who are these mysterious friends?"

"Oh someone our age and two people around matt's age."

"Suspicious." Lance frowned.

"Well I mean it can't be that bad. They know matt" Hunk said

"That's why its suspicious." lance huffed

"True. but I've met them before. When I lived in texas."

"Wot in tarnation!" Lance yelled before he could stop himself.

"Theres a snake in mah boot!" hunk piped up

"Wot did y'all say?" pidge playfully growled

There was another chorus of laughter around the small kitchen table. "But seriously they're cool people."

"Ohh! I wanted an excuse to break out my new sweater dress Allura gave me. She said it was too 'big' for her but she knows how to shop, but hey. Its new and cute and soft I'm totally wearing it." Lance smiled

"I've been excited to try out some new Party platter recipies!!" Hunk squealed

Pidge giggled "I have some new movies I've downloaded"

"As long as I don't cry at the end we good."

"Nah. We should watch bird box"

"Why?"

"Because I heard it was awesome. And it's trending"

"Sure. I mean I guess."

Lance fist pumped the air "I'm so pumped!"

Lance ran to his room to go get ready which included showering shaving moisturizing and brushing his teeth again.

Hunk shoveled the rest of his food into his mouth chewed and swallowed running back to the kitchen grabbing his phone and blasting his cooking playlist.

Pudge smirked savoring her waffles. They grabbed their phone and texted their brother.

 **Remix** \- They don't know what's about to come.

 **Original** \- u make good old-fashioned surprises sound so frikin evil

 **Remix** \- Say fuck

 **Original** \- Don tell me wat to do fucker

Pidge laughed rolling their eyes

 **Remix** \- how fat are you?

 **Original** \- Bitch I'm not fat

 **Remix** \- I'm not apologizing but that was a mistype. How far are you fatty. （ω）

 **Original** \- maybe ten. I ain't driving and Allura has threatened my laif already.

 **Remix** \- honestly, me.

 **Original** \- Fuck you

 **Remix** \- I'm asexual and your sibling matt don't be desperate.

 **Original** \- I'm bisexual. And wot.

 **Remix** \- Fuck you I'm more badass. I'm a Non-gendered Lesbian asexual. Get on my level hoe

 **Original** \- Yes yes. I bow down to my tiny overlord. Though you forgot that the word is Non-binary

 **Remix** \- yah damn right. also shut the fuck uup i have sleep brain. wait till its booted up

 **Original** \- huehuehue booted. anyways wat you up to? Other than laughing at us common folks and drinking the blood of babehs

 **Remix** \- nuthing. though I should be getting my camera ready.

 **Original** \- he's gonna hate us.

 **Remix** \- it'll be worth it.

It was ten minutes later when Allura and romelle graced them with their presence along with pidges favorite person (not that they would admit that)

"He yo! Howdy do!" Matt smiled

"Matt!" Pidge smiled

"Mattie!" Hunk yelled from the kitchen.

"Hunkerdelic!"

"Pidge-a-rito!"Matt yelled catching his sibling in his arms "you tryna grow on me pidgeon?"

"Gotta keep you on your toes bro."

"Mathematics if you could move out of the way so we can get in that would be sublime."

Matt shuffled to the left clearing the doorway to make room for Allura in a light blue overall dress, a light pink baggy sweater paired with thick white knee-high socks and her designer white platform sneakers.

Romelle came dressed just as cute with a coral turtleneck cropped sweater light blue high waisted denim jeans and soft brown thigh-high boots.

Hunk walked out of the kitchen to sweep them up all in a hug "Oh! I missed you guys!"

"Aww hunk! Such a softie" matt smiled

"If you youngsters don't mind best uncle trying to come in" Coran called out

Lance finally exited the bathroom. "Are those our Goddesses and Coran?" He asked with a large smile on his face.

"Lancey-poo!" Matt yelled running and hauling the male into a hug.

"Mathematics Holt! Be careful I just finished my face!" Lance yelped but hugged his best friends brother regardless

"Sorry dude but I missed my bi bro." Matt pouted setting the thinner male down on the floor

Lance smirked "but baby I'm right in your arms" he stoked Matts arms

"That's right boo. You're right where you need to be baby boy" matt purred

"Aye papi! Say it again" lance swooned his dramatics caused his light gray sweater dress to hike up his white legging clad thighs.

"I'll take care of you my love" matt shouted passionately

"Ohh mathematics you just know what to say to a boy" lance sighed stroking his cheek

"Kiss me" matt demanded and they leaned in while their friends wondered how the hell they ended up with these two idiots as friends.

"Are you two done?"

The two males smirked high fiving their lips never really touching "are you done lancey-lance?"

"Yeah. I'm done matty-poo" Lance replied

Matt let go of lance so they could do their handshake routine and go on about their lives.

"I'm ashamed to know you." Allura sighed

Romelle giggled though "I don't know pointy chin and math are honestly my source for weekly entertainment."

"Please don't." Hunk please

Coran laughed "you should see them out in public"

"They make me understand why mom and dad wanted another child" pidge scoffed walking over to the couch.

"Cmon? Really?" Matt pouted sitting next to his sibling. The rest of the group made it to the couches sitting down on the loveseat and the large couch. Lance sat on the floor not really bothered to get his stool from his room, he contorted lightly where the palms of his feet were in his own lap.

"So like. We need more seats." Lance piped up

"Nah we just lap up" pidge smiled

"Ooh!" everyone's eyes sparkled

"I CALL HUNK!" A cacophony of voices yelled.

Romelle and allura looked at eachother "my darling. I would ask why you are choosing hunk but seeing as I also want to sit on hunks lap I am going to need you to back off."

Romelle scoffed "Well Mentos. I also wish to sit on hunks lap as he is the softest and always smells like vanilla. So my dear how about you back off."

"Oh no! You two have each other. Let matt have some damn love once in a while."

Pidge piped up "don't be desperate matt. And as the smartest, youngest, and smallest I reserve rights to hunks lap."

"Uh. No no no no no no. Alejandro Lance McClain has McClaimed hunks lap." Lance piped up

"Hunk is a person not a chair and speaking of chairs Hunk wants everyone to grab the chairs from the kitchen table and whatever rolley chairs are in their room." Hunk said walking into the living room.

There where choruses of groans and moans "oh quit your whining Hunk is feeding you lot" Coran piped up from behind his phone camera.

"Uncle Coran! Are you filming this?" Allura asked

"No of course not. I'm live streaming this to my Instagram."

"Thank goodness I look good" lance scoffed

"a few of my users wanted me to tell you all how much they love you guys!"

"Aww! We love you too!!"

Hunk smiled at the group. "If nobody moves nobody eats."

"Ultimate power move" Coran chuckled

They all got up and scrambled grabbing chairs from rooms, beanbags, giant teddy bears that could be used as seating and made their way back to the living room. That's when the doorbell rang and nobody moved.

"Lance get the door" pidge told him.

Lance pouted "I better be getting double servings of dessert tonight." walking to the door. The male took a deep breath unlock the door and deciding to turn on the charm. Lance opened the door and bowed "welcome to casa de la" he looked up at the three men and stopped talking.

So matt never told him that one, all his friends were hot and two that he was friends with takashi shirogane. THE TAKASHI SHIROGANE! The man who was in the military while matt was in intelligence they got caught by some terrorist organization for a full year! Then escaped and takashi came out as gay sometime later.

This man, this was more than a man. This was his hero and he was standing right in front of him gray hair soft smile and prosthetic. This was the man that gave him courage to actually go out and wear his first skirt after finding out Shiro enjoyed wearing eyeliner and mascara.

"Takashi shirogane" lance whispered behind him everyone was quiet.

"Hello lance!" He smiled

HOW WAS THIS HIS LIFE!?


End file.
